I'm really terrible at predicting my life many months hence--but I think that, in many ways, I keep getting better at life--and that makes me hopeful. Has real life come easily yet? Nope. I'm still the old verbal, dissimulating, fractious self, enlarging my personality against the relief of the big ideas, meeting despair with sublimity...and jokes, smiling at chaos, brandishing puns. Dicking around a lot too. Repeating myself. Wasting time on people out of strange neurotic needs I don't control all that well. Comparing myself to others. Wanting to love--being thwarted, failing too. Wanting to be loveable, with some success (when not failing). But I yam what I yam--and sometimes yam suits me a lot better than others.
I'm taking four psychology classes now, working 30 hours a
week, and prepping for two GRE tests (regular and psychology subject test) and
running a lot as I'm attempting to get thru over a hundred hours of psych audio
courses (30 miles last weekend!) I feel busy. Grad school in a year? I hope.
In the meantime? More dancing, a teensy bit more alcohol, German
studying, philosophy, kissing. Fun and love, I hope--one or the other, at
least.