Monday, August 3, 2009

mentality bunkered

i hated myself long before you knew my name.

there's no slander you could say
that wasn't already a self-reproach
no indictment you could level
that hasn't yet been heard in the court of my mind

-

but fuck it all. you don't think about me, do you? you never did. you won't. and yet i've worked so hard to preempt your every accusation. i wasted time and energy learning to play games I don't even like. i lost myself aquiring weapons for a battle that will never come.

thank the gods i found some precious things in my journeys. thank the gods that i now celebrate some of the things i once hid. and thank you, my ghostly antagonist: your specter loomed and it sharpened me; it shaped me. you changed me for the better--so much so that you're dissipating before my eyes.

i'm walking away now. now I live for my friends and for me.

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